I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
