Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
