I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
