i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
