you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Randomize
