I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize