I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
