all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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