Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
