If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
