Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
