how hairy? two words: wookie tits
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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