I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
