i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
