How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
