hotel room ftw
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
