I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
