she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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