sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize