I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Randomize
