either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
