This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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