she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Randomize
