Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
