u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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