So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
