I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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