if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
