i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Please don't give away my fajitas
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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