I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
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