I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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