that's an acceptable place to lick
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize