I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
