Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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