i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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