I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
