If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
