My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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