hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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