Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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