I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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