I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Randomize
