i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
