Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Randomize
