it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
So apparently I’m into choking now
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
