does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
