I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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