Kareoke will never be a sober sport
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
