Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
foreskin is a definite game changer
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
