well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
