i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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