Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
