That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
