The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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