I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
