I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
