Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
