That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
