Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize