so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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