sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
