Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
