Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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