I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
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