eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize