phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
