apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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