Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize