P.S. I can't hear my feet
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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