did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
