Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
