life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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