Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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