i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
