Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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